Bushwacked!

As Mom and Dad and Ben already might know, I have more or less become engaged as of Sunday evening. How this happened I still am not quite sure, but it came down more or less like this.

Sunday afternoon, I attended a wine tasting at my friend Kenny`s restaurant (more on this in a subsequent post). K, not being quite the pretentious boozehound, opted out of this and went to visit a friend instead. So far so good. After the tasting, I went back to her place to wait for her...we were planning to go for dinner and then see the DaVinci Code...

However, she and her parents are planning a trip to Spain for the summer holidays, and she was summoned to the family home to help finalize the itenerary. As Sunday is Me-n-K day, she invited me along, and I happily accepted, due to the fact that a fine free dinner is always welcome. Plans were made, dinner was prepared and eaten and cleaned up, Daddy toddled off to his bath, leaving me and Mommy and K sitting around the dinner table. Nothing too out of the ordinary there... until K leaves the room for a minute.

As soon as the door swings shut behind K, Mommy turns to me and says,

"I need to ask you some questions, OK?"

"....uh....ok...."

"Are you and Kanako just friends...or...?"

I was rather taken aback at the question, having been led to believe that Mommy was more or less in the know about our involvement. I began to stall, in hopes that this line of questioning would cease upon K`s return. No such luck. Mommy wanted to know my intentions in no uncertain terms, and proceeded to conduct a quite thorough examination in both Japanese and English, at times using K as a translator, and almost always referring to her in the third person.

I had, and have, every intention of marrying this girl, but I have been taking my time and trying to get my ducks in a row before seriously discussing it with K. This approach was apparently not quick and certain enough for Mommy, who, usually charming effusive and cute, had donned as serious a face as I have ever seen on a woman who was not MY mommy.

I allowed as to how it was my wish to marry K, and what steps I felt were necessary before I would be in a financial and personal position to do so. Mommy wanted to know WHEN. I gave a rough timetable of my personal preparations (better japanese, better job). Mom apparently figured all that could be handled in about 18 months.

The timetable is important from her families point of view for very specific, traditional reasons. If a girl reaches the age of 30 and is still unmarried, she is considered flawed in some way, and draws shame to herself and shame to her family. So if Mommy comes off a little harsh here, bear in mind that this is not just her, this is a thousand years of social expectation and tradition.

So strong is this drive, that had I not been willing to say "ok" to marriage, I would have been politely asked to piss off and stop wasting K`s time. Moreover, K would promptly be shopped around the matchmaker circuit and a `suitable` match made post haste. Again, this is the way things are done here...mommy has done nothing except what her mother and her mothers mother have done, and mothers around Japan and Asia (and india, maybe africa, etc...) do on a daily basis.

You could even say, and perhaps I should say, that what mommy did took quite a pair. She was in her mind, and in a very real way、looking out for the best interests of both her family and her daughter. I can understand and appreciate that. Good kind of mother in law to have, actually. Daddy seemed to know what was in the works too, though, because he was very jovial and friendly to me, much moreso than in previous visits, and when the dishes were cleared away, he disappeared, only to reappear when it was all said and done. Smart feller.

Upshot. Mommy seems satisfied, I`m still reeling a little, and K seems to be staggered a bit as well, but if not completely overjoyed, relieved that the big talk has been had. I think we need a little time to get used to this new wrinkle... but I look forward to it.

The biggest problem, in my mind, is that now the element of suprise is lost to me. No matter how or when the ring and proposal come, it will seem a bit anticlimactic. Oh well. Kinda takes the pressure off... but now I have to really study. Mommy set me a deadline.....